Message From The President: Karen McNeil-Miller

My seven-year-old daughter has a knack for asking questions that require a thoughtful response: "Why did my birthmother give me to you?" "Why do I have to pay for lunch at school when other kids get it free?" "Why does Madeline have two mommies?"

These are tough because I want to give accurate and honest answers she'll understand and remember. So you would think that a question like, "What do you do at your new job, Mama?" would be a softball. Instead this simple, straightforward, and perfectly reasonable question stopped me in my tracks.

What DO I do at my new job? What should I tell her? What would you say if you were 90 days into a new role as President at a new organization in a new field?

Would you:

Tell her you give away money? Tell her you help people? Tell her you're trying to make a difference? Tell her you go to a lot of meetings and talk to a lot of people? None of the above?

Long after Lindsey lost interest and went to annoy herbrother, long after I thought through all those choices, and berated myself for spending so much time on such a seemingly benign question, I landed on "None of the above." Before I tell you what I did say, let me share why I didn't choose the others. 

Saying that I give away money is such an oversimplification that it borders on being glib. When I told a former colleague at the Center for Creative Leadership I was going to Kate B., he mused that "surely it's harder than it seems" (to make grants).  It surely is.

To say that I help people seems closer to the truth, but I'm not so sure it's a completely true statement. Our grant making benefits the people of North Carolina, particularly those most vulnerable and needy, but we don't make grants to people. We make grants to other organizations. Our aspirations for impact are about helping  people, but our direct work is with our grantees. I'm  beginning to understand that we make a little difference  to organizations that make a lot of difference in the lives of people.

"Making a difference" might make sense to another adult but would just go over the head of a seven year old.  Even with adults, it can come across as an empty cliché unless you've got much more to say about what difference you're trying to make, with whom, and in what manner. The 'with whom' is quite non-negotiable given Mrs. Reynolds' will. The 'what' and 'in what manner' is something that we will continue to define and refine.

While it's very true that I spend a lot of time in meetings and in talking to others, that's really not what Lindsey was asking and to say it would be completely dismissive of the importance and magnitude of the work that we're engaged in. What we do in those meetings is critical to realizing the intent of Mrs. Reynolds' original gift.  So what did I finally say to Lindsey when I put her to bed that night? I told her that what I'm doing at my new work right now is learning: learning about a woman named Kate Reynolds who was awesome. . . learning about the new people I work with - some of those people work with me in my building, but most of them work in other buildings around the state . . . learning about problems that some people have getting to see a doctor when they are sick - for some people, the doctor is far away and for others, they don't have enough money to pay . . . learning about the things that make and keep us healthy . . . learning that there are a lot of people who don't have a place to sleep at night or who don't have enough food . . . learning about people who don't have a dentist in their town so they don't get to ride up and down in the chair like she does . . . learning about towns that I've never heard of before (and I promised to take her to some of them). I told her that I am learning so much that sometimes I have trouble going to sleep at night. I told her I am learning ways that I can help.  told her that I am learning what my new work really is about.

And what did my sensitive, sweet little angel say after that? She said, "Learning Again??!!. That's what you said you did at your old office."  "Indeed I did, sweetheart. Indeed, I did."